The burden of parents’ hopes and dreams

Ajay Kumar Sharma

MY son was getting ready for the JEE (advanced) examination on a scorchingly hot day. I duly checked with him whether he had taken his roll number slip and Aadhaar card. On the way to the exam centre, my pep talk was interspersed with the advice that he should write the answers to the maths questions first. ‘No’, my wife interjected, ‘He must finish the chemistry section first as it doesn’t take much time.’ My son appeared to be in control of the situation, even as tension was writ large on his parents’ faces.

Exams are stressful not only for the students but also for the parents. As you reach the exam centre, a swarm of parents, some of whom have come from faraway places, can be seen proffering last-minute tips to their children. You can easily observe a ray of hope in the eyes of those who want their wards to do well in the entrance exams, make it to IITs or other tier-1 institutions and later bag highly paid jobs in multinational companies — in the Silicon Valley, no less. Dreams of their children achieving what they themselves couldn’t are easily discernible.

Though most of the parents may have never taken a competitive exam, they won’t flinch from advising their kids how to handle the tough physics or maths questions. After the students have entered the exam centre, the parents wait anxiously outside; some of them go into the prayer mode, trying to propitiate their deity and hoping for divine favour. Some groups of parents start discussing among themselves the extremely tough and competitive nature of the entrance exams, how much time their children devote to studies every day, who are the best tuition teachers and institutions in the city and how the kids are being robbed of their childhood by the dry and boring correlation regression, polymers and wave optics! The atmosphere is filled with hope, curiosity and nervousness.

Peer pressure and the burden of parents’ expectations exacerbate the children’s anxiety. Some parents can be seen asking their kids too many questions about the first section of the competitive examination during the 2-3-hour interval between two sections and expressing disapproval of every answer which doesn’t seem correct to them. This can impair the chances of many students in the second exam later that day.

A bit of stress is positive and necessary as it pushes the students to give their best in the exams, but excessive stress makes some of them underperform despite all the hard work. Thus, it is incumbent upon the parents to work on moderating their expectations. Most importantly, they need to provide the kids an environment conducive to their holistic growth during these challenging years. This will help the youngsters navigate through the maze of board exams and entrance tests.