Sacred union and joyous reunion

Priya S Tandon

WHEN families become big and busy, they meet only in times of sukh-dukh. I saw this for real at the wedding of my son. I was touched to see my cousins meeting joyfully after years. Though I could not spend much time with them, it was a treat to have them all around. And they thanked me for providing them the opportunity to revive old memories and catch up with what was happening in each other’s lives.

As kids, we played stapoo (hopscotch), chhupan-chhupaayi (hide and seek) and antakshari and fought over small things such as combs and crayons. For us who grew up in an era when virtually nothing was digital, the connect with cousins was real.

The wedding traditions of jaago, gharoli, vatna and sainth are occasions when everyone gets together to sing and dance, play games, even pull each other’s leg. My father would often say that these rituals were designed to keep the guests occupied.

We Indians start thinking about the wedding of our child right from his/her birth! Marriage is a landmark event not only in the lives of the bride and the groom but also of their parents. A huge amount of planning marks the run-up to the big day. Despite involving a lot of work, it is a lot of fun too.

As the groom’s mother, when I put the chunni over the bride’s head, my heart welled up and I was thankful to the Lord for giving us the opportunity to welcome this child into our home and hearts. Bringing a girl from another family and accepting her as your own doesn’t come easy. It is a responsibility of a lifetime. For the girl, it’s like a new birth. In the song, ‘Saeeyan chhed deve, Nanad chutki leve, Sasural genda phool... Saas gaali deve, Devar samjha deve, Sasural genda phool…,’ Sasural is compared to a beautiful marigold flower. It has its bittersweet moments, but then, it’s home now.

The girl’s parents bring her up with many a dream. When they do the bidaai, there is always an element of uncertainty about how she would fare. With tear-filled eyes, the parents bless the groom, who is taking away a part of their flesh and blood.

The newly married ones promise to stand by each other through thick and thin. They stand together as one and one to make 11, not just two. They become each other’s strength, not weakness. Like Shiva and Shakti are conjoined as Ardhanarishvara, the bride and the groom are inseparable halves of each other. Together, they constitute the whole.