Horror of horrors!

Aradhika Sharma

Dear Diary Didi,

Not that I’m a fan of horror movies, but I must confess that I have watched a few (Mostly, I ‘watch’ them with my eyes covered), usually to keep my friends’ company and have subsequently been scared witless for months. Nevertheless, despite being reduced to a paralysed blob of fright by these cinematic gems, I’ve learnt to recognise typical symbols that indicate that the paranormal is afoot. Let me educate you:

Winds are ghosts: Among the most common tropes that is a dead give-away (pun intended) that ghosties and ghoulies are nearby is when winds are blowin’, tossing dry leaves hither and thither. Any horror cinegoer would tell you that the reason is not a ‘western disturbance’. Winds are associated specifically with evil souls looking for trouble. Good people are believed to rest in peace after death.

Going alone to a basement is dangerous: The dangerous killer or the bloodthirsty ghost is sure to come after you if you go alone to get a bottle of wine from a friend’s basement. Better choose a crowded pub or visit a mela if you want to have fun.

Ghosts love white clothes: Well, especially in Hindi movies, where they wear white sarees and let their dark tresses free while they roam around big houses holding ancient candelabras or row boats on water bodies and sing haunting melodies. BTW, why are you following them? What’s your plan if do you catch up with them?

Beware of new houses: Almost all haunted house movies involve moving into a new house. After the family’s arrival, odd incidents occur and gradually intensify until the family find themselves amid a full-blown haunting situation. Do check a house’s history before you buy It. Avoid purchase if there has been grisly activity in it.

Avoid creepy kids: Especially the ones that are sallow skinned, stare spookily, turn their heads 360 degrees and hardly ever speak. They might look angelic, but there’s something eerie about them. They’re too calm, too knowing. They aren’t really children… Yikes! I’m getting goosebumps!

Listen to pets: If your dog starts barking wildly at nothing and gets upset, it could be because evil abounds. Schanting Hanuman Chalisa or grab a crucifix.

Dimly lit lanterns: If you go around creepy houses or graveyards trying to investigate spooky happenings with nothing more than a dim-lit lantern, you deserve what’s coming to you! Where did you get that lantern from, anyway?

Don’t go upstairs: No one ever escapes if they run upstairs! Find a place on the ground floor to hide and be quiet until you can get away. No going into basements or running into the woods either.

Diary Didi, if only the protagonists of horror films had known about these tell-tale signs, they would probably have been alive to tell their (ghost) story. Sigh!