World Suicide Prevention Day: It’s okay for men to cry

New Delhi, September 9

Following an episode of sexual harassment at school by a senior, a sobbing Vikas Aggarwal, then a boy of 14, expressed his anguish to his parents, only to be thrashed by his father.

Unable to cope with the trauma, he decided to put an end to his misery by jumping into a nearby lake.

“Their son getting assaulted seemed like a matter of shame to my parents. They asked me to forget the incident and move on. When I had no one to talk to, ending my life seemed like the only option,” Vikas told PTI on the eve of World Suicide Prevention Day.

Although he was saved in the nick of time, his assault was never raised with the school authorities. Instead, his parents decided to hush up the matter, and he was moved to a new school.

According to Johnson Thomas, director of Aasra — a Mumbai-based mental health NGO, Indian men grow up in households that teach them to present a “macho” image, that often entails hiding away their vulnerabilities.

“Indian men have been conditioned to hide away their emotions and build up a macho image lest they be considered wimpy and unmanly,” Thomas said.

According to NCRB (National Crime Records Bureau) data, a total of 1,33,623 incidents of suicide were reported in 2015, out of which 68 per cent (91,528) were men. 

Vyom Sharma, had decided to end his life in 2010, over a failed relationship.

Then a 3rd year engineering student, he sat on the edge of his hostel terrace, ready to jump off, hoping the fall would bring an end to all the “pain”.

“I felt helpless. I did have my friends, but I felt nobody could understand what I was going through, and suicide seemed like the only solution,” Vyom, who was saved by a friend, said.

Factors inducing suicidal thoughts remain almost the same for men and women—stress, distress, and prolonged depression, said Delhi-based psychologist Nimesh Desai.

The director of the Institute of Human Behaviour & Allied Sciences (IHBAS) added that while more number of women attempted to take their own lives, it was the men’s choice of suicidal methods that resulted in higher incidents of male deaths. 

The number (of suicide deaths) is higher for men because of their modes of attempt. The means women choose—consuming medicines, slashing wrists—are not immediately likely to succeed, and the chances of being rescued are much more,” Desai said.

Men, he said, resorted to methods like guns, or jumping on railway tracks, which were most likely to be fatal.

Empathising with the victims, supporting them emotionally and psychologically, and most importantly, encouraging a “gender neutral emotional expression”, was the way forward, both Thomas and Desai agreed.

“Young boys and girls must be trained to not hesitate and have false pride in expressing distress. And whenever you see someone disturbed, never make fun and never challenge. Instead, offer help in a supportive manner,” Desai said.

Eight years on, Vyom is now pursuing his dream of “understanding and teaching about language” as a PhD student of linguistics at IIT Delhi.

Although, he had recurring suicidal thoughts in the years that followed the attempt, but conscious efforts to get over the problems and a circle of supportive family and friends helped him cope with his bouts of depression. —PTI