Liberation from stage phobia

Miraj Chauhan 

It was a bone-chilling cold month of December. I mustered all my courage and headed for the stage. It was a gigantic stage that could accommodate 150 students at a time. With wobbly knees, I mounted the elevated platform adjacent to the enormous stage reserved for me. I was the emcee for the day. My corner was still dark and I wished darkness to keep me in its wake for eternity, but my desire was short-lived. The spotlight finally caught me with my hand in the cookie jar as I was rehearsing for the introductory part. The floodlights dazzled me and I went blank. I was on the cusp of a nervous breakdown.

That very moment, I was transported to my school days, where I had a terrible experience on the stage. During an extempore competition, I was pestered by my class teacher to speak on the given topic. Thousands of eyes were staring at me and I was thrown into a state of anxiety. I could only announce my name and class and kept mum after that. That was my first encounter with stage phobia. And ever since, my blood runs cold even at the sight of a stage.

But as we all are familiar — the more we try to escape a situation, the more it chases us. It was in 2015 that I found myself in a critical situation when asked by the principal to host my school’s annual function. I had already heard about the grand event that the school hosted and it was now giving me goose-bumps. But ‘naukri ki te nakhra ki’, and so, I was left with no alternative. I embarked on my rehearsals with rosy aspirations of overcoming my fear.

But the moment I stepped on the stage, the old terror seized me. Terror that knows no understanding or logic. I was frightened, but not out of my wits. Out of nowhere came a touch of reason. The profound words by Franklin Roosevelt, ‘All we have to fear is fear itself’, reverberated in my ears and I decided to address my fear. I recollected myself and thought of keeping the anchoring part natural and spontaneous instead of relying upon jotted lines. I raised my head and saw the astounding sight of a roaring audience.

I was in constant conversation with myself, so I could spur my otherwise ebbing strength. This helped me. With this strategy, I welcomed the esteemed guests and officially announced the first performance. I did fumble at times, and the old fear returned, but in smaller waves. After going through the first hurdle, I could negate its presence partially. I was no longer dependent on the scripted matter and was able to make use of catchy phrases and punch lines, sensing the pulse of the audience. It was a turning point in my life as I was living with the handicap of stage phobia for a long time. The only way to overcome fear is to face it. There is no alternative.