Holy ecownomics!

Mahesh Grover 

THE Lion King had been avidly following the affairs of humandom, listening to debates extolling the virtues of a cow. “Her urine is precious as ‘gold’ while its excreta more valuable than Kohinoor,” declared one human nonchalantly.

The king was overwhelmed. The insignificant cow was hogging so much  limelight in humandom, to do the jungle proud. Instantly, he sent for the fox and said: “Cow’s pee and poo are so valuable that it can fuel and sustain the jungle’s development.” 

The fox was perplexed and asked what the king proposed to do. “Summon the cows. It is time for some ‘ecownomics’,” he said. 

The petrified cows were herded to the royal den where they stood trembling with fear. The lion rushed and fell at the cow’s feet, who backed off in panic  and mooed weakly.

The king, drooling at the sight of cows, planted a sloppy kiss on her  cheek and said: “Oh holiness, my ancestors and my clan have sinned by being so harsh on you and your ilk. I did not know your pee is worth gold while your poo is invaluable. Sell us these treasures and alleviate our sufferings.”

The cow, taken aback at this unexpected outburst, spluttered: “Er! Er! you can have it for free!”

The king had tears in his eyes. “No wonder they call you holy, so selfless and noble.”  

“Very well then, I’ll put the entire jungle folks on the job, with pails to collect your pee and poo and now nobody dare kill you. The wolves and hyenas will be there in packs to put down those who go for you.” 

Elated, the cows mooed their way back to the meadows. All animals became busy collecting pee-poo while the wolves and hyenas went on maiming, lynching those who ventured to cast a gluttonous eye on the cows.

Soon pee and poo was all over, with the important jungle affairs lying in utter neglect. Hungry and deprived animals wailed in distress, but the king was unfazed and proudly displayed his wealth that he had created to the fox, “See the jungle is overflowing with liquid gold and, ah! these  sparkling Kohinoors!”

“It is all bullshit,” the fox retorted. “No it is cow’s,” said the king. 

“I mean it is humbug,” said the fox, exasperated at the king’s ignorance.  

“I don’t see any bugs,” shot back the king, giving the fox a condescending look. At her wits’ end, the fox said: “Oh king, the whole jungle is suffering from hunger and poverty.  Unless you give up on this misadventure, we would all be consumed by it.”  Saying this, she left the den, hoping against hope that he would see reason and give up on ‘ecownomics’ and revert to economics.