Desi ring ceremony

Wg Cdr JS Bhalla (retd)

IT was in the fifties that the marriage proposal of my brother, the eldest of the siblings, was under deliberation and the task was entrusted to my brother-in-law who gave the thumbs up to a business family settled in Ambala.“The girl is slim, smart and good looking,” were his comments after he visited the family. Dating or interacting with the girl  was not the practice and the exchange of photos was debarred. My brother  had a look at the girl only after the wedding was solemnised. There was no roka, no ring ceremony, no band.

Now, I being next in the firing line, marriage proposals started pouring in. It was crystal clear that I would not have a blind date and blind marriage which  my brother had gone through. “I have shortlisted a family for alliance. You can meet the girl but with no veto power,” my dad announced at the dining table during  my short leave. I was stunned and spellbound by his directive. It took me sometime before I could react to his acrimonious decision. “You can  solemnise my wedding without my interacting with the girl,” I replied derogatorily. After the melodrama, he  dropped the proposal.

While negotiating with another family, a meeting was organised in a restaurant where I met my fiancée. With everyone around, I could  hardly steal a moment to look at her, but we exchanged pleasantries. My father started working on the nitty-gritty of  the wedding. Sitting next to each other, my fiancée quietly asked: “When will  be  the ring ceremony?” To me  ring ceremony was a new terminology. I was mum but approved her proposal. “Very soon,” I said, searching  for the answer to the tough poser put  by her. Later, we moved to a theatre. I escorted her to the seat with proper etiquette that I had learnt during the course of my service. Sitting next to her, I was on cloud nine. Smelling fragrant, she sat speechless next to me. We hardly spoke during the first half of the movie. As time was ticking, I gently held her soft hand and mustering courage, took out a ring from my pocket and gently slid it on her index finger. “Thank you,” she murmured demurely. Hesitatingly, she lifted my hand and slipped on a ring to complete the ring ceremony. 

There was no cutting of cake, no clapping, no dancing and no one congratulating us, but the ritual was done.

The present extravagant weddings with roka, ring ceremony and lavish functions can be replaced with simple  rituals performed with dignity.