Bad, but loveable Mum

Manju Gupta

I HAVE been far from an ideal mother. Never too indulgent, not too self-sacrificing. I was never overly concerned about their strife and struggles. I never waited for them outside the examination hall, biting my nails or praying silently like other parents. I would rather use the free time to watch a movie or shop in the neighbourhood if I ever accompanied them for an outstation exam. I never rustled up a dish because they didn’t like what was on the table. Once when my son complained, I told him he had the option to eat dinner or not.

I was not the unconditionally loving and giving parent. I ensured that they did their bit, whether it was household chores or other menial jobs. School was compulsory and if they had to stay home on account of sickness, I ensured that they didn’t have fun, insisting that they were on ‘complete’ bed rest! I have zealously guarded my personal space. Not more than two short bells on my phone if I am in my clinic, at a conference or with friends. My afternoon nap is sacrosanct. No intrusion allowed unless it is a life or death situation. 

 I wasn’t surprised then, when I found out that I was listed as gandi mumma in my daughter’s contact list. The truth is I had fun bringing them up, sometimes at their expense. Parenting for me has been about practical jokes and shared laughter. I loved to play pranks on them. Unless it entailed bodily harm, I tried not to say ‘no’ too often and let them figure it out on their own. I let my son try to make honey with carefully collected pollen and his saliva. When he declared they were selling mobikes at  Rs 100 a piece, instead of reasoning with him I gave him money to buy two! Of all the things I have tried to teach them, the most important was the ability to laugh at failures. It wasn’t all fun and games though. 

Once my 12-year-old son rode his Scooty for 10 km on a deserted village road to get a notebook he had forgotten to bring despite reminders. The incident still runs a chill down my spine. He took such a grave risk to avoid being reprimanded by me. That day, I realised that we should not make such a big deal out of sloppiness that kids design elaborate and risky coverups. Guardians shouldn’t be such fearsome authoritarians that children make bigger mistakes trying to hide smaller ones. Apart from discipline, parents should instil trust in their offspring that they are always the first line of defence, no matter what. 

We have grown together and learnt from each other. I taught them the benefits of prudence, and they about the occasional splurge. I taught them to expect the best from themselves and they taught me the need to let things be. 

Recently, my daughter planned a surprise birthday party for me, sending out beautifully crafted invitations to my friends. She laboured for days to make everything perfect. My son surprised me with a new iPad that I needed for doodling; carefully placing it in the old one’s case. It was a gift for my 54th birthday. 

The title of gandi mumma notwithstanding, I think I must have done something right.