The General rules

Aradhika Sharma

Dishevelled and hot, Mandy rushed into the office cafeteria where we had already begun heating our food.

Mandy: Caught you just in time. I thought you would’ve started lunch already. 

Me: You’re seriously late today. All well?

Mandy: Oh yes, everything’s fine. I just had to go to the CSD canteen with my aunt to stock up on provisions, toiletries and booze. The billing took forever because I bought stuff for the entire year.

Shobha: Why didn’t you tell you were going? I needed a pressure cooker and some garden chairs, apart from the usual groceries that you get for us from there. Take my list next time.

Mandy: That’s the whole point. There’s going to be no “next time”. The Army Chief has passed orders that the CSDs must curb misuse of liquor and groceries for profit. I spent 15 grand today because hereafter they’re going to get strict about entry.

Sabrina: Yaar! Your aunt is the mother of a fauji officer. That makes you an authorised personnel, doesn’t it?

Mandy: Well, she’s my mom’s second cousin. So, technically, it doesn’t. Anyway, no more supplies at cheap rates for me and for you.

Shobha: One would think the fauj would be grateful to us for spending all that money on making them profits.

Sabrina: In fact, my dear, the CSD is meant for use by the armed forces only, not the civilians. The aim is to give faujis a facility, not to open a public shopping centre for every Jane, Jill and Mary.

Mandy: That’s not all. Dalbir bhaiya, the sahayak that my cousin sent from his regiment to look after my aunt and uncle, is also likely to be recalled. And the poor retired senior officers are being divested of their sahayaks too. Can you imagine?

Shobha: That’s awful! Who’s going to walk auntie’s dogs and drive her around now?

Me: Aren’t the sahayaks fighting troops? The Army’s been getting plenty of flak because officers use these men for personal work. I would think that they are paid good enough salaries to afford private staff.

Mandy: There’s more. The chief has directed that celebrations will be “military like without being ostentatious”. What’s the point of the Army if there are no extravagant parties? What happens to all the lovely Raising Days and the pagal gymkhanas and the May Queen balls? Those are traditional celebrations!

Sabrina: Things do have to change, Mandy. One must consider streamlining expenditure to ensure maximum efficiency. Our own bosses do that!

Mandy: What do you have to say about his directive to reduce deep-fried and “unhealthy” food like puris, pakoras and sweet dishes that are served to the troops at the langars?

Me: Hmm… you’ve got me there! Somehow, I just don’t see a fauji jawan eating muesli and multi-grain bread for breakfast or poha or idli for evening snacks and being satisfied with it. I’ll concede that point.

Mandy: That’s exactly what I’ve been saying all along!

We rolled our eyes.