Some stories don’t get highlighted

Aradhika Sharma

I don’t think that people even now realise as to what degree the female gender is under assault. There’s hardly a woman, girl or child who has not been sexually abused in one way or the other to a certain degree,” says Gunjan Sharma, a consultant and expert in gender and sexual health issues. “According to the latest government figures, a child is sexually abused every 15 minutes In India. And remember, there is gross underreporting on the issue,” she adds.

Women sometimes talk among each other — usually in forums where they feel safe — years after the abuse has taken place and damaged them horribly. Time goes by, but they still prefer to report the crime minus details. Most of them don’t name the perpetrators. And many can’t, because they were violated by perfect strangers, by men who thought that any woman’s body was theirs to use. 

So, what gives them the right? Patriarchy, impunity from punishment and a sense of right that the mighty have over their hapless victims. It is reported that India is home to the largest number of sexually abused children (girls as well as boys) in the world. Hardly a statistic to be proud of! There’s a whole sisterhood out there, damaged, violated, hurt, angry. Some women have gathered up the pieces and moved on, but the scars left on some psyches have changed them forever. Till now, they preferred not to revisit the time and place that they were assaulted at, but when they recently did, they were filled with rage and grief. 

The MeToo movement has opened the floodgates for many women who realise that they’re not the only victims of the humiliating experience. Here are their gut-wrenching stories. The names have been changed.

• Akshara was browsing the net to research on the designers doing pret wear when she got a ping on her computer. “Could you come into my office please?” It was the assistant editor. Akshara’s heart plummeted into her shoes. She knew what the man wanted. He would invite her to the “comfortable seating” in his office to “discuss a story idea” and then put his hand on her leg, stroke her thigh and try and lean in. When she would draw away, he would pull her close and tell her not to be shy. Akshara, a newbie to the prestigious online news and design portal, had communicated verbally and non-verbally that his attention wasn’t welcomed. However, he only became more aggressive. He would call her up at late night, and send her lewd jokes. “Finally, I had to leave.” She recalls eight years after the episode. The reason, “I complained to the HR and a senior editor. They assured me that they would take care of the matter, but almost immediately afterwards, I started getting the most horrid assignments, boring and tedious ones that would take me the whole day to complete and they wouldn’t even use them. Basically, I got eased out of my job.”
• “As adults some of us can now talk about these episodes, but I remember how embarrassing, uncomfortable and scary it used to be when it happened — when some random man, who would otherwise greet you with servility or friendship, would turn into a tentacled monster,” says Rhea Chakraborty, lecturer in a Delhi college
• “Our father had a driver,” Doctor Gurpreet Kaur narrates. “He was a trusted  employee and my father depended on him. He must have been a middle-aged man, though to me, at age 6, he appeared to be very old. One day he drove my sister, mother and me to the market. Mother had to buy some groceries and she told us to keep seated in the car while she got them. Soon after she went into a store, he asked me to move to the front seat. I navigated and he turned towards me and began touching me in appropriately. I was frozen. It didn’t feel right, but I just didn’t know how to stop it. My sister was chatting away in the back seat. When he saw my mother exiting the shop, he told me to go back to my seat. After that I would run a mile when I saw him. I would try and avoid him, throw tantrums when I was asked to go anywhere with him. My father would be angry at my rude behaviour. I never wanted to recollect the pieces of the horrid instance till this ‘MeToo’ conversation started.”
• “We could start a #MeToo club about the males within our own family. We were always trying to escape from our cousins, uncles and even our grandfather,” says 76-year-old Susheela Sharma. “They would touch us inappropriately. There were so many girls in the family but nobody ever spoke about it. A few years ago, my sister told me that she would often lock herself in the bathroom to escape a lecherous cousin. Of course, we never shared. We hated it but no such conversation happened in those days.” 

Women are still cagey about being judged or blamed even years after the episode. The fear of losing their jobs and the abuse going up a notch makes them endure or ignore the harassment. Victim blaming is real.  There are no ‘safe houses’ to really go to. 

Eventually, the women will speak. A few of them have spoken. MJ Akbar has resigned. But will there be a recourse and the beti truly be saved? 

Time will tell!

And that is not the end of ordeal

There are many women who have had their breasts felt by tailors while their measurements were noted. Some have been touched by drivers who leaned across to open the car door.  While walking on the road, some have been slapped on the butt by a passing scooterist. Assaulted by masters and sons of the homes they go to cook and clean in. Hugged affectionately by uncles who  pinched their budding breasts in the process. And numerous others who have been felt up mercilessly when travelling in buses.