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Scammed by love

Like all love stories, this one has a mushy beginning too.

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Sangeet Toor

Like all love stories, this one has a mushy beginning too. However, it ends in a nightmare, replete with emotional and financial loss. Welcome to the world of romance scams. Here, an individual depicts false romantic intentions toward a victim in order to gain his/her trust and affection for the purpose of obtaining the victim's money or access to the bank account or credit cards, according to Government of Canada Anti-Fraud Centre. 

The victims are educated enough to use the Internet and social media, but vulnerable because of being human. On the one hand, Internet has made the world a singular, boundless place that is easily accessible and explorable. On the flip side, this ease of connectivity comes at a human cost. In case of romance scams, the cost is not just the money lost to the imposter, but the broken heart that wouldn't mend because the trickster ghosts the victim without trace. Additionally, the victim is too ashamed of revealing the scam and even if the authorities get involved, it is nearly impossible to find the real culprit in the obscurity of Internet itself.

Modus Operandi

According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation's cybercrime report for 2018, romance scam is the second costliest at $363 million. It happens 50 times a day. A generic attack trope involves an attacker who is not only computer savvy but a heartless beast expert at manipulation by feigning love. He looks for prey, multiple at once, on the Internet. One of the victims is Sunita. Her Facebook profile suggests that she is in a complicated relationship, is religious, and desperate for company. The conman assumes an identity to woo her — he is a foreigner, an Englishman. His name is John. 

John charms Sunita with dreams of marrying a foreigner. Sunita falls in love with a strong, handsome, charming and loving John. Her past relationship was abusive, and John seems like someone she has been looking for. He showers compliments on her. The relationship is going at the speed of light. Within a month, he proposes marriage to her on phone. She has never met him or seen him on video chat, but his profile is impressive. He is buying a house for her in London. All he needs is a small down payment. 

Sunita sends him funds. That's it. From now on, there is one hurdle or another for him to come and meet her. Since he has spent all his money on buying a joint house, he needs more money to come to India and take her with him. Sunita believes him and sends him more money. After ripping her of a gargantuan sum, he vanishes. The ghost of lost love chases Sunita. When she shares this genuine story with a friend, she realises that it might be a scam.

Save your heart and save your bank account by being very aware who you are interacting with online. The social media posts look innocent, but they give away too much too easily to someone who is out there to tap into the human vulnerabilities. It is also advisable to meet online dates personally at social places. It is very easy to do the deed and hide behind a computer without ever getting caught. It is rather difficult to find closure when a prince charming vanishes from the face of the earth with your life savings. The best strategy is to go slow and recognise the red flags as warning signs.

Don’t become a victim

The romance con artists are experts who have honed their skills over the years. Their business is run like any other business — by record keeping. They make databases of vulnerable people by collecting information from social media. Then they create multiple personae, and choose one to assume which can best manipulate a potential victim depending upon the collected information. Once a person is victimised, her profile is kept in a 'sucker list' which is then shared with other tricksters. If you fall in love with someone online, keep the following in mind:

  • Research the person's information online to see if that information has been used elsewhere.
  • Take your time to know the person and seek information on a regular basis.
  • If someone looks too good to be true, be cautious. If the same person asks you for email or phone number very quickly, it is a signal to not trust the person right away.
  • Always talk to family or friends, especially if someone asks you to not talk about him to your near and dear ones.
  • If the person promises to meet you but never does because of one excuse or another, it is good to be suspicious.
  • If the person asks you for money, do not send it. Never send money to someone you haven't met in real.
  • If you think you are scammed or someone is trying to scam you, approach the authorities.

Red flags

  • Common connection: An initial contact is established by the fraudster by suggesting that he knows the victim as they'd met at a wedding many years ago, or there was a common friend who talks about her.
  • Quick relationship building: He asks for personal email and phone number early on. He sends tons of cheesy compliments, and confesses love pretty quickly. He gains trust and proposes marriage without wasting any time.
  • Diva pictures: A con woman tends to send glamorous pictures of herself. Remember, this scam business is built on the Internet and from the Internet. Those are pictures of people taken up from search engines.
  • Isolation from friends and family: The perpetrator does this so that no one can flag the red signal to victim until the extraction of money has happened.
  • Physical distance: He claims to be living in another part of the world where he is stuck and needs the victim's help to get out and live with her forever.
  • Keeps asking for money: He keeps asking for wire transfers to obscure accounts around the world.
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