Are you mindful?

Abha Chaudhary

Mindfulness it seems everybody is doing it. You might have even tried it yourself or have a regular practice. Thanks to the help of an app that speaks to you in dulcet tones, you are reminded to “let go” and to “observe your breath”. From public education to healthcare, the corporate world to criminal justice system, parliament to military, mindfulness is promoted as a cure for all modern illnesses. 

Why guided mindfulness

As an etiquette coach, I often ask myself why suddenly this need and clamour for guided mindfulness. Should it not be the definition of my being and behaviour? Wasn’t it just a habit with our older generations to be mindful? Mindful of the feelings of others. Mindful of how the environment is being affected. Mindful of our words so we don’t hurt or disrespect anyone. 

Mindfulness is just another word for being careful. Whether it is careful of the way I breathe or careful of the negative thoughts that I need to let go. The need for more and more sessions and apps for bringing mindfulness in our cluttered noisy lives is only because somewhere in the humdrum of leading materialistic lives and in the noise of technology we have become “unmindful” of  human coexistence and mutual consideration and respect.

Overtaken by technology

We are not mindful of the litter on the roads because our heads are bent towards screens of a smartphone even while we are walking and our eyes miss out on noticing a hand asking for help. Our ears are no more mindful of the chirping birds, because they are plugged with earphones. Even the birds, I feel, have become quieter since they feel neglected.

Missing the basics

We are unmindful of appreciating our parents and nurturers for their endless toil to make life more and more comfortable for us. Agreed they are the ones who got us into the world, so they better take care of us, but what about saying a warm and earnest “thank you” to them while they are still around. We mindlessly miss out on even asking them how their day was, just because we got too “caught up” “catching up” with a distant unrelated “friends”. 

Little do we realise that these often elusive gestures and words can recharge the batteries of fading relationships. There were times when we were mindful to offer prayers of gratitude to the Almighty for the food he gave us, so we don’t waste it.

The adaptive mask

How mindful are we now? Do we even know of our rich and healthy culinary cultures? I agree that we need to adapt to the zeitgeist of the era that we live in, but, in the name of being adaptive, are we not letting go off a lot of habits that made mindfulness a basic criterion of being humans? I would wish it to be a legacy imperative for every mother to pass on to her child, than a skill the child would have to learn when he is not able to handle life and people. In fact, if we were naturally mindful of life, we might not have any more negative thoughts to be given up. 

A way of living

So, does etiquette only get restricted to a table at a fine dining restaurant or the boardroom? No! Etiquette is a way of life–living carefully to be considerate and respectful to the other. Etiquette is a set of rules that are so internalised that I am mindful of the nature around me, mindful of the relationships I must nurture and mindful of the human existence around me. So, as we massively welcome the influence of “mindfulness” in mainstream culture as a new professorship and psychological science, let us also reinforce “mindfulness” as a way of living life in this mindfully created universe.

(Chaudhary is a Chandigarh-based image and style consultant)