Crash-ed diet

Aradhika  Sharma

“The dietician wants me to drink Kombucha tea because apparently it’s great for weight loss,” Shobha said mournfully. “Last week, she gave me seaweed so that my body could block the compounds that absorb fats. All these expensive drinks are making only my pocket slimmer.”

“Yes, it’s been a month and you don’t seem to have lost much weight,” I agreed.

Shobha nodded: “Despite constant dieting, I can’t seem to shed the extra kilos!”

“Well,” Sabrina retorted, “it may have something to do with the fact that you finished your last recommended week’s diet in just five hours and 15 minutes and then went back to normal eating.”

“And in the week that you were supposed to have just salads and soups, you brought boxes of pasta salad drenched with mayonnaise and that heavy cream-laden French onion soup.”

“Arre, I’ve been following the instructions of the dietician seriously. Haven’t you seen that bottle of apple cider vinegar on my workstation? I guzzle it like holy water. It’s meant to promote weight loss.”

“Oh yes. I noticed!” Sabrina said. “You had a portion of that just after you’d tucked away your aloo ka parantha with boondi raita yesterday.”

“Mandy had more food than I did! When you eat with someone who ate more than you did, it stands to reason that you’ve eaten fewer calories and fewer calories mean weigh loss!”

“You’re making up your own rules, Shobha. Vaise, didn’t you buy yourself a tub of pistachio ice cream the other day?”

“I was only following the dietician’s orders. She instructed me to ear lots of greens. Pistachio ice cream is green and it tastes better than cabbage or spinach!”

“You’re incorrigible!” Sabrina frowned.

“Besides, a calorie is a measurement of heat (or energy) units, so frozen foods, like ice cream, can’t obviously contain any calories, right?” 

“And what about those bars of chocolate in your workstation drawer?” I enquired.

“Don’t you people know even the basic principles of weight loss?” Shobha demanded. “Dark chocolate makes you lose weight. It curbs your sugar craving, you see.” 

“I’m pretty sure that your dietician didn’t mean for you to eat a full bar of chocolate to curb your cravings!” Sabrina was caustic. 

I thought I’d change the topic: “Incidentally, Shobha. why the sudden friendship with Poonam Batra nowadays? I thought you didn’t like her.”

“Well… I still don’t like her, but I like being seen with her! She’s much more obese than I am na. She makes me look slim,” Shobha explained.

“Aha! That’s why you’ve been bringing so much chocolate cake, halwa and kheer for us lately. You’re hoping that we’ll all get fat and make you look slimmer!” I laughed.

“Vaise, I think I'm ready to start a diet too. Shobha. Let’s be dieting pals and help each other out. When I feel the urge to drive out and get a coke and pizza, I’ll call you first,” Sabrina said. 

Shobha responded with alacrity: “Oh, that’s a great idea! I’ll ride to the restaurant with you.”

We rolled our eyes.