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Love in twilight zone

Not too far back, when actress Neena Gupta, then close to 50, tied the knot, more than the eyebrows were the toasts that were raised!

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Purnima Sharma

Not too far back, when actress Neena Gupta, then close to 50, tied the knot, more than the eyebrows were the toasts that were raised! “It’s high time we applaud and celebrate the decisions women make about choosing their life partners, especially in their later years,” says Sumona Mehra, who too followed suit and said ‘I do’ to her beau when she was well into the sixth decade of her life. The only difference was, while it was Gupta’s first marriage, Mehra had been married before. “And because it wasn’t the best of marriages, my confidence in the institution wasn’t exactly sky high,” says the senior ad executive, talking about the ‘yes’ that took quite a while coming.

Helping her take the decision was her daughter Ananya. “She had known all along that Rahul and I were once colleagues and had given each other moral support through our respective divorces,” says the 58-year-old. Mehra makes it clear that there was no rekindling of old romance but just practical reasons that made the two tie the knot.

“Actually, it was Ananya who brainwashed me saying that once she got married, I’d eventually get lonely and hence would need a companion. And with time, I did come around to seeing her point of view,” says Mehra. What firmed up further was the example of her childhood friend — a single mother who was left “high and dry after her children flew the nest”. However, she is quick to add that “this is not to say that children stop loving their parents after they grow up. It’s just that they too have their own set of responsibilities.”

Liberated women 

Gone are the days when women stuck in a bad marriage remained in it for better or worse. Now, women, especially those belonging to the Baby Boomers generation, who like to call themselves WHIPs (Women who are Hot, Intelligent and in their Prime), have started rewriting the rules. And that’s the reason they are giving marriage a rethink — many amongst them have no qualms about walking out of a bad marriage and treading into the one that holds the promise of happiness. Talking about this “very noticeable but positive trend” he’s been observing lately, clinical psychiatrist Dr Sanjay Chugh says that many single women in their later years have started looking for companionship and emotional stability in a relationship that they hope will see them through in their later years.

The ladies Dr Chugh is talking about are those who are single not just as a consequence of bad relationships or widowhood but also those who stayed away from matrimony for multiple reasons, be it professional, familial or financial. “Despite being empowered, financially independent, they feel the time spent with an understanding companion will help them combat loneliness and health issues that might crop up in their later years.” 

Neeta Gosain, despite being determined to stay single till almost her early 50s, agreed to meet a man her best (girl) friend chose for her. Reason? “Well, it was more pragmatic than romantic. With both my parents gone, I needed someone who’d take care of me when I fall ill. Of course, I’d do the same for him too. The fact that I found someone I liked was a bonus indeed,” she smiles.

Pragmatism and romance 

A mix of pragmatism and a bit of romance is what made Sujata Sidhu walk down the aisle, despite two broken marriages behind her. “Initially, I wasn’t too keen on getting married,” confesses the 55-year-old who returned to India to look after her father, soon after her mother passed away because of cancer. “Had I been staying abroad, I might have just lived-in with Sukumar. But here in India, people’s attitudes towards relationships outside wedlock are completely different,” says the financial consultant. She remembers how, soon after landing in India about five years ago, “married men, upon learning that I was a divorcee, started hitting on me in a big way”.

However, her decision to marry Sukumar wasn’t made to keep these Lotharios at bay. “An imperious act coupled with a sense of humour was enough to handle them,” adds the mother of a 27-year-old. What played Cupid was Sukumar’s “understanding and comprehension about life. I had seen him put up a brave front through a messy divorce. And once that was through, I saw the real person in him emerge — one who was fun-loving, intelligent and down to earth. And that’s when I realised that here was someone I could spend the rest of my life with”. What, of course, helped, she adds, was the respect and acceptance of the differences that made up their personalities. This is what, she adds, “forms the basic foundation for a firm bond in any marriage”.

Septuagenarian matchmaker

Natwar Lal Govindbhai Patel, the now 70-year-old who has helped many singletons in their twilight years find partners for themselves, agrees wholeheartedly. Having witnessed many people lose their loved ones in the 2001 Bhuj earthquake, he worried for those elderly people who had no one left to look after them, and that’s when he decided to form an NGO and help them find a mate. “Loneliness is a slow poison,” says the septuagenarian who has since organised workshops in many parts of India including Delhi, Hyderabad, Chennai, Shimla and Chandigarh. “My mission is to help all elderly single people, particularly women, since they still remain very reticent and shy about taking such a step — and find a companion for themselves.”  

A few names have been changed to protect identity


When Sudha met Deepankar

 “I wish I could have lived my life backwards,” says Sudha Shankar, hypnotherapist and educator with the nonviolent-communication movement. Married when barely out of college, Sudha gave it her best shot for more than one and half decades before she called it quits. Although she and her two young kids had the “unconditional support” of her parents, the Universe, as she says, started preparing her for the life ahead. Soon after she completed a journalism course, she started work in a publishing house and was on her way to financial independence. And soon after Sudha turned 51 — at a juncture when she was not even considering marriage —  she met Deepankar. Within no time, things started falling into place. Not only her own children and Deepankar’s young son were fine with their decision, but also the latter’s mother and his first wife’s family welcomed her with open arms. “I think it all had to do with a shared perspective and understanding of life,” says Sudha. And soon after she gave her consent, she had two weddings in a single day — a typical Malayalee temple wedding followed by a registered one. Both the weddings, she recalls, had their share of fun moments. “The first had this yuppie pundit who walked in wearing a pair of jeans and a tee. And the latter had a registrar who sat with a big scowl on his face as Deepankar read through his vows,” recalls Sudha. “His expressions wouldn’t have changed as I started with mine but for the fact that I, realising I’d left my reading glasses at home, asked Deepankar for his. That’s when he started laughing and said, ‘Ah, you’ve already started sharing his things’.”


Trendsetter

Actress Suhasini Mulay is among the more prominent names who walked down the aisle rather late in life. The multiple National Award winner was 60 when she decided to tie the knot with Atul Gurtu, a physicist. She met him on the Internet. She was drawn to Gurtu, who had lost his wife six years back, after he wrote a moving article on his wife’s illness and how they handled it before she passed away. 

Suhasini Mulay with husband, Atul Gurtu

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