Band of coursemates

Brig Sandeep Thapar (retd)

If there is one bond which defies any definition, it is that of a coursemate — someone who has had the misfortune of training with you in NDA or IMA! It’s an association which starts when you are 18 or 21 and lasts till your grave. Unlike other relationships, this one does not wax or wane according to the weather. To put it simply, coursemates are your brothers from different mothers.

Perhaps since it is forged out of shared hardship (tough physical indoctrination) and adversity, it possesses a unique, life-long glue. The fact that you haven’t met for 30 years is immaterial — when you do, he’ll greet you with an adjective, a guffaw and hold you tightly till you are gasping for breath. Then, within minutes, he’ll tell your wife all your dirty secrets of the Academy days.

Names distorted in academies get stuck for life (SS Kandal becomes Scandal, Cooper for Kapur — we even have a Haddi because he was thin once, now he’s obese but still retains that name). Like Alibaba and his 40 buddies, this is a band of fairly responsible citizens of the country while on the job, and an uncontrollable crowd when they get together. Their collective acts of misconduct are state secrets — to be carried to the grave.

What money can’t buy, a coursemate placed in the right spot can do. Get your name/unit projected up the ladder, get you out of any sort of trouble, allot your unit stuff beyond its entitlement, jump your name to get you the reservation, shift all your unit’s under-performance parameters out of the boss’ purview.

Planning a holiday? Shimla? Shillong? New York? The first query is — any coursemate there? If yes, no worries of accommodation, travel, food, liquor. Send him a message. Whether he’s in station or not, is committed or free, that’s his problem.

The current rank or status does not matter — we will always stay buddies for life. So what if you’ve quit midway and made millions outside. He will still insist on calling you by the Academy nickname you are embarrassed about — in front of your own staff. After one lunch, I saw a three-star coursemate get into the front seat (next to the driver) of another coursemate’s official vehicle, since the rear seat was already occupied by two others (one three-star, one single star). Just so that they could chat en route till office.

A coursemate is the only one who will land up at your son’s wedding uninvited, leaving you furiously thinking of an explanation why you didn’t invite him. He is also the first one to reach the spot on death or hospitalisation in family. There are umpteen examples of coursemates reaching out to help another’s parents in the station while the son is struggling to get home. The trend of marriage between children of coursemates is seeing a slowdown now — primarily because the families have realised that after such marriages, the two coursemates party and enjoy more than the newlyweds.

The bond has its gradations too. Those from the same regiment have a closer connection. The next is courses done together. Higher Command type or Staff College types have better affiliation because families have also known each other. But the real adhesive is NDA squadron. Nothing is a stronger bonding agent than the front rolls taken together 40 years ago. My wife of 34 years knows this through her own experience — she was left stranded in the market while I went to pick up a squadron type from airport. She’s made her peace now with my squadron and knows all 27 of my squadron mates by name.

Tailpiece: A Chief I worked very closely with once surrendered a mobile number he had. When asked why, he said, “I am ok with unsolicited advice from coursemates. But not requests for assistance (detailing vehicle and boys) in shifting a house!” They are like this only, these coursemates.