Ruler reincarnate

Jug Suraiya

The Desh ka Neta and his Chief Flunkey discussing the political scheme of things to come after the forthcoming elections.

Chief Flunkey: All the opinion surveys are saying that you’re going to win again, Sirji, and that these polls have become like a presidential election.  So when you win, will you make yourself the President of the country instead of being a mere PM?

Desh ka Neta: Well, a lot of people have been saying for a long time that what we need is a presidential form of government.  

Chief Flunkey: So will you make yourself President, and become the Supreme Leader of the nation, like that Kim chap is in North Korea?

Desh ka Neta: Don’t compare me to that upstart. Supreme Leader, indeed!  By putting Supreme before Leader, he acknowledges that there are also other leaders, among whom he is supreme. I do no such thing and acknowledge no leadership other than my own.

Chief Flunkey: Sorry, Sirji.  What you say is right, of course.  As always.  So what will you make yourself?  How about President for Life?

Desh ka Neta: President for Life?  That’s not a bad idea.  Except for one thing.  I don’t like this Life limitation.

Chief Flunkey: Life limitation?  I’m afraid I don’t understand, Sirji.  How is a lifetime Presidency a limitation?

Desh ka Neta: How is a lifetime Presidency a limitation?  Very simple.  It’s a limitation in that it doesn’t take reincarnation into account. I don’t want to be President only for one lifetime but for several lifetimes. 

Chief Flunkey: Wow, a reincarnate ruler who carries on lifetime after lifetime!  That’s even better than the dynasty raj that people keep talking about.

Desh ka Neta: It sure is.  And think of the benefits that the nation will derive as a result.  First and foremost, no more political uncertainty and instability as to who’s going to rule the country.  And no more of these time-consuming, expensive elections.  How much do these darn things cost these days, anyway?

Chief Flunkey: By all accounts the figure is over some Rs 3,000 crore, Sirji.  And that’s just the official figure.  No one knows how much is spent by the campaigning candidates.

Desh ka Neta: Exactly.  And that’s only for the general elections.  Think of the Assembly elections in all the states and the total bill adds up substantially.   

Chief Flunkey: We should do away with Assembly elections as well?  

Desh ka Neta: What a dumb question.  Of course we’ll do away with assembly elections. There’ll be no point in having them because there’ll be no assemblies to be elected, because there’ll be no more states.

Chief Flunkey: No more states?  But what about the principle of federalism?

Desh ka Neta: Federalism, shedralism.  What this country needs is not federalism but good old-fashioned feudalism.  

Chief Flunkey: All these things you’re planning to do will require a lot of constitutional changes.

Desh ka Neta: You bet they will.

Chief Flunkey: So how exactly are you planning to change the Constitution of the country?

Desh ka Neta:Hang the Constitution of the country!  What I’m trying to figure out is in order to ensure that I become a ruler reincarnate what changes I’ll have to make to my constitution…