Bofors, Rafale & Kurukshetra

Jug Suraiya

Krishna and Arjuna on the battlefield of Kurukshetra. The Pandavas are all raring to go, as are the Kauravas on the other side, but Arjuna is still hesitant, making Krishna impatient.

Krishna: Now what’s the matter with you? You had your doubts, but I resolved them by giving you that pep talk about action that is detached from the self, the confinement of the ego. I’ve even volunteered to be your charioteer, and have promised to put all my miraculous weapons, like my Sharanja bow and my Sudarshan Chakra at your disposal.  So what’s still bugging you?

Arjuna: Well, that’s just it, you see.  It’s all these weapons — your Sharanga bow, and your Sudarshana Chakra, and my own Gandiva bow, which can shoot off a hundred arrows at a time — that are bothering me.

Krishna: For Pete’s sake — whosoever the heck Pete is — why should our weapons bother you?  I can assure you that they’re the very best, state-of-the art armaments, miles better than anything those Kauravas have got.  

Arjuna: That’s as may be.  But I was talking to Narada Muni…

Krishna (cutting Arjuna short): Oh no! Not that blabbermouth and gossip. What stories has he been telling you?

Arjuna: He told me he knows this rishi, a very wise and holy guy, who can foretell the future.

Krishna (scoffing): I know all about these rishis and so-called godmen.  They’re a dime a dozen, and most of them are fakes.  Anyhow, what’s this future-foretelling rishi supposed to have said to old Narada, who in turn told it to you?  

Arjuna: The rishi said all of us should be very careful about anything to do with weapons, and arms, and stuff like that, because of something called Bofors, and something else known as Rafale.

Krishna (perplexed): Bofors?  Rafale?  Who, or what, on earth are those?  And why should we be careful about them?

Arjuna: I’m not sure about the exact details, because it’s all very complicated. But it appears that whenever people get arms, from anywhere, there’s something called a scam attached to them.

Krishna: Scam?  Ugh!  Sounds like some sort of grotty disease.

Arjuna: It’s not just a disease, but an epidemic.

Krishna: But there can’t be any of these scams, or whatever you call them, because all our arms are made by Vishvakarma, the bespoke arms manufacturer for us gods, demi-gods, and heroes. 

Arjuna: That’s fine.  But the trouble with all these arms deals is not who makes the arms, but the middlemen who come between and get what are known as kickbacks.

Krishna: Scams, kickbacks?  I’m supposed to be a real know-it-all but I’ve learnt a whole lot of new words I’d never heard before.

Arjuna: So have I.  And I’m sorry but this whole deal’s off.  You can go tell those Kauravas they can go home.

Krishna: You mean because of these arms deal scams and kickbacks there won’t be any Kurukshetra?

Arjuna: I’m afraid so.  Hey, isn’t that that journo, Vyas?  Wonder where he’s heading off to.

Krishna: Well, what with Kurukshetra not happening, he’s pushing off to some videshi place called Troy to write a story called The Iliad under the byline of Homer….