Going ape over Hanuman

Jug Suraiya

Two bhakts discussing the latest triumph on the saffron front.

First bhakt: This latest development should silence, once and for all, those stupid rationalists and intellectuals who were pooh-poohing the PMji’s observation that ancient India pioneered the science of organ transplant, as borne witness to by Ganeshji who has a human body and an elephant’s head.

Second bhakt: Not only did they pooh-pooh that, they also pooh-poohed other ancient Indian scientific and technological advances, made much before the rest of the world reached that stage of development.

First bhakt: Yeah, like heavy-than-air flying machines. And spaceships. And nuclear weapons.  

Second bhakt: And don’t forget television.  In ancient India we had TV too.  And Netflix.  

First bhakt: Netflix also?

Second bhakt: Netflix also.  How else do you explain that the series called The Mahabarata and The Ramayana came way before anyone had even heard of GoT.

First  bhakt: True. So in ancient India we had Netflix too.  

Second bhakt: We sure did. But do you think those anti-national rationalists and intellectuals would give credit to our ancient India for having invented all these marvels?  No way. But now they’ll have to change their tune after the latest discovery made regarding Hanuman.  

First bhakt: They’ll have to change not only their tune, they’ll have to change their entire orchestra, thanks to Yogi Adityanathji, who has discovered that Lord Hanumanji belonged to the Dalit community.

Second bhakt: Right, it was a truly path-breaking scientific discovery. But tell me, what proof did Adityanathji have that his discovery is indeed a discovery?

First bhakt: Don’t be such a gadha. When you are a CMji, like Adityanathji is, you don’t need proof of any discoveries you make.  Just discovering a discovery and announcing it is proof enough that it has to be right.

Second bhakt: Very true.  Then that other neta of ours said that Hanumanji was a Jat, because like a Jat he would take up cudgels on behalf of other people, like Lord Ram and Sitaji.

First bhakt: Right.  So, we discovered that Hanumanji was not only a Dalit but also a Jat.

Second bhakt: And that’s not the end of the story.  Because after that yet another one of our netas said that Hanumanji must have been a Muslim, because like Rehman, Salman and Osman, Hanumanji’s name also ends in a ‘man’.  Which is definitive proof that Hanumanji was a Muslim.  

First bhakt: Quite so.  Then there was that report in the press that during the recent cold wave in North India to keep Hanumanji warm some of our temple priests dressed up his murti in a woolen Santa Claus outfit.  Which implies that apart from being a Dalit, a Jat, and a Muslim, Hanumanji could also turn out to be a Christian.   

Second bhakt: All of which goes to show that Hanumanji was indeed a ‘man’ for all seasons.

First bhakt: Which in turn means…

Second bhakt (cutting first bhakt short): It means that Dalits, Jats, Muslims, Christians, and for all we know, Communists, Rotarians and those dratted rationalists and intellectuals, we have all descended from Hanumanji.

First bhakt: Which clearly shows that much before that Darwin fellow came along, ancient India in the form of Hanumanji had discovered the theory of evolution and knew that all us humans have descended from monkeys.  And it’s thanks to Adityanathji and our other netas that this great truth has been revealed.

Second bhakt: Yeah, our netas have proved that we’ve all descended from monkeys.  And if we don’t watch it, they might well turn us back into being bandars again….