Avoid the ‘I’ Quicksand

Swati Rai

Use of ‘I’ in communicating day to day message makes the message more empathetic and assertive.  In communication strategies zeitgeist, these are touted to work better than the ‘you’ statements that are largely considered to be blaming others — being direct and  accusatory. Further, an ‘I’ statement is supposed assist a person in being aware of his own feelings and escape attributing it to a second party. On the other hand, ‘you’ statements are not conflict resolvers, as they may place the listener in a defensive mode. However, this oversimplification undermines the gravitas of upfront, authoritatively assertive, reasoned and outcome-focussed communication at work. 

Problem of first person references 

In business communication, the trouble starts when premium is placed on using 'I' statements consistently, without knowing the cultural and business context, hierarchical relations and may be considered, un-business like, emotional or worse, self-centred and opinionated. 

Using the passive in statements can focus on the incident than the person and also avoid subjectivity. “The systems are down, so the deadlines may have to be rethought” is more assertive than saying, “I feel worried now that the systems are down and would like to rethink the deadlines”. The latter can come across as a weak statement, emotional as well as less authoritative. Even for arguing a case, taking a stand and defending a point of view, ‘I’ statements can be faint arguments, especially when they come across as the one mentioned above — weak. On the other side of the spectrum is the fact that in many cultures the use of ‘I’ is perceived as reflecting a self-obsession and promoting one’s own belief. Here statements that are neutral, analytical and spotlight the issue’s solution; work better.

Communication saviour at hand 

So what’s the way out? The judicious and appropriate use of such statements mixed with passive forms that lay stress and focus on the work at hand, give a rationale for the intended and suggested course of action is what the balance to be struck at implies. Another way is to, as an organisation that lays stress on inter-personal communication to enhance productivity, decide the channels and the way of communicating better. ‘I’ sentences work best when everyone understands where they are coming from — not pockets of insecurity, feeble resolve and un-business-like jargon and least of all from being unprofessional.  

Personalisation of the problem

Many a times in case of a conflict situation that one might be trying to resolve, an extensive use of I statements can result in the communication coming cross as too individualistic and exclusively showcasing the speaker’s point of view only.  At other times, reasoned analysis and authoritative assertions might be mandated in some situations. Hard facts and observed data can prove to be a better communicator at other tough situations. 

An assertion of one’s professional authority reasonably instead of trying to use ‘I’ statements for sugar coating or being too supplicating is also not in the organisation’s benefit. Also sometimes ‘I’ statements are not even that — they are latent ‘you’ statements. Sample this — “I feel that you need to do something about it”. No, not much different from a you statement blaming the other.